When I moved home and got a job, I didn’t exactly tell my new employers about my plans for graduate school.
I needed a job and I didn’t think they’d hire me if they knew I’d be leaving in six months.
I’ve never done anything so deceitful, and it ate away at me everyday I worked.
It was such a relief when I finally put in my notice and told them what I was doing (although I spun it in a way that made it sound like it had come about all of a sudden).
Of course, when everyone in my life knew that I was going to Scotland, I didn’t have anywhere to hide and pretend it wasn’t happening.
This is when the mood swings really started getting crazy. I started living in extremes.
Some days I felt like I was on top of the world.
Others…not so much.
One moment Scotland would look like a beautiful, enchanted land where all my dreams would come true.
The next, it would look like a dark, scary monster ready to eat unsuspecting idealists like myself.
The more attention I got, the more my ego skyrocketed.
Which only made my little negative voice more annoying…
And made it harder to keep up my game face.
But for me, my game face was pretty muted.
At best I was happy.
I didn’t want to be “that person” who never shuts up about all their fantastic opportunities. Even though on the inside, I was bouncing off the walls.
As I got closer to leaving and the reality of it all set in even more, I started to panic again.
Remember that guy from Brave that no one can understand?
That’s a Scottish accent. A real Scottish accent that I will probably have to understand at some point.
Furthermore, I’m a dreamer and an idealist. I talk about doing things like this while complaining about my life and eating cookie dough on the couch. I don’t actually do it! I’m not qualified to make those kind of decisions! Who let me do this?
But hey, at least I know where Glasgow is.
You’d be shocked by the number of people who think Glasgow is in Ireland (if they have any clue at all where it is). Well, just in case, here’s a map: